apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
