you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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