i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
