Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
