you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
