i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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