Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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