I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
