I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
