You made me cry and you don't even care
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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