If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize