so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
