this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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