1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
