i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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