She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
