I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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