Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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