I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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