if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
