I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
