if only i could text you this smell
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
