ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
