used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
