I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
