In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
