P.S. I can't hear my feet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
