Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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