i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How does one acquire holy water?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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