I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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