i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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