at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
