she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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