So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
