checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
