Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize