Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
