is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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