Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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