ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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