i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
