I accidentally burped into my bong.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
MIDGETS
????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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