remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize