Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
