Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
