is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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