dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
