Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize