Define "chronic" masturbator.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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