I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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