My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
