Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
