the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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