One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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