I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
