She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize