i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
