The best revenge is premature balding
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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