Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
