Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
