Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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