Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
