I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We named our party play list daddy issues
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
