she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
