I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
