it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
