i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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