My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
