You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
