I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
