i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
operation have a gay friend backfired
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
